Doubts and Discouragement

Hebrews 13:6: Therefore, we may boldly say: The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (HCSB)

 

Psalm 56:3-4: When I am afraid, I will trust in You. 4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not fear. What can man do to me? (HCSB)

 

 

coffee and computerLord, I’m sitting here with my coffee and my computer trying to focus on You and not on the voice in my head putting doubt and fear in my heart.  I heard You speak to me about writing a devotional, but like Moses I thought  “I can’t do that” and thought You must be giving the devotional to my husband and asking me to support him as he wrote.  I came to realize that You were giving it to me.  You made it so clear to me that I accepted but asked You for 30 devotionals in 30 days.  I was amazed at Your works ……..until one morning when You didn’t tell me what to write.  Then came the doubts and fears.  What if this is all from me?  What if I was right the first time?  What about those 30 devotionals in 30 days?  Then I heard You say “I promised 30 days but not 30 consecutive days.”   I know that I need prayer support, but I can’t tell anyone that I’m writing devotionals.  What will people think?  Will they think I’m being a prideful show-off by saying that God speaks through me?  I know someone who is writing a book – will people think I’m just trying  to copy her?  What if I tell people and things don’t work out?  They will think I’m a failure, or worse, a nut job.  What if I look foolish?   Lord, I know that these messages are from You, so why do I care what others think?  Hebrews 13:6 tells me that You are my helper and not to be afraid because man can’t really do anything to me.  Lord. I am scared and I am humbled and I am not at all confident that I can do this, but I know that I need to hold onto Your promises and Your truth for the security I need.  Lord, it is a little crazy that You want me of all people to do this.  It’s a little crazy that I hear You speak to me.  It’s a little crazy that I expect people to read what I write.  But, Lord, it was a little crazy that Peter stepped out of that boat (Matthew 14:29).  It was a little crazy that Joshua had people march around the city (Joshua 6).  It’s a little crazy that You allow me to be a part of Your great plans.  Your word tells me 365 times not to fear.  It’s a lot crazier that I would ever doubt You!

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